Friday, August 17, 2007

hang onto your hat! i mean head?

i ran into zen-pirate AGAIN today. this time in the tire and auto parking lot. we just laughed.

"i guess we're destined." she said.

indeed.

what a day today. in the end i feel so grateful to all those people who help keep my head on when i can't seem to hold it on properly myself (that probably includes most of you reading this.).

someone asked me today if i was ok.

"in a manner of speaking, yes.. well.. if you call 'ok' trying to unlock your car with your house keys... etc."

"sounds like you need to just stop."

"stop? but i... (blah blah blah)"

one of those days.

the big epiphany was a deeper understanding of why dressage is such a profound form of meditation for me:

it is about creating and containing energy.

i tend to rush.

dressage is utter stillness and focus in motion.

the best moments are when everything comes together, and i feel deeply connected to all that is - time disappears and horse and i are suspended there in a place of inner peace and silence with my hair gently tickling my back.

on another note:

An artist/sculptor (call him J) i used to model for, called me and left a message this morning, asking if i would model for him when i visited AZ. i called him back this evening:

"...Are you here yet?!!" he said.

"No. Not yet."

"But you are there somewhere... ?"

"Right.. i'm here."

we laughed at our quirky humor no one else seems to get.

i had thought it might be nice to pose for J while i was there, but the truth was i didn't want to pose for this sculpture he hadn't finished of me, so i had avoided talking with him about it.

so, i bit the bullet and told him on the phone about my feelings regarding that piece.. my reservations about it.... and he said:

"I completely understand..... i can even cover it if you want!... so you won't have to look at it.."

i laughed "that won't be necessary!!! but thank you so much for understanding."

it's settled then.. i'll pose for some other pieces and we'll have fun. i'll make a little trip money too.

"i'll call you when i get into town."

"great!!!..."

i am looking forward to being in the company of J and his wife. they are two Amazing people.

that's all i have to say tonight. i am feeling both perturbed and joyous about hopping on the road this weekend. freaking out right now because i look at the state of my apt and the packing to do and think: 'and this will happen when?'

may not write much until i'm in AZ, whenever that is...

so.. until we meet again:

hang onto your hats.. your heads... and thanks for helping to keep mine on semi-straight.

;)

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