Sunday, August 12, 2007

thoughts from a weekend with women and water

So, a really good friend (we'll call her dolphin-girl) is getting married.

It happens... right? We humans pair off and... la di da. It's a beautiful part of life, but it's scary as shit too!

This weekend a whole bunch of women got together to celebrate and support dolphin-girl's transition into 'wifedom.' We gathered at a friend's house, way out in the country, north of Grants Pass.

I was one of the first to arrive, so dolphin-girl and i sat out on the veranda to chat and catch up. She and her fiance had just returned from Israel - a whirlwind of family events and sauna-like heat. She was exhausted, happy, and a little overwhelmed.

"I can't believe i'm going to be a wife in a few weeks." she said.

"Tell me... how are you feeling about that?"

We burst out laughing. My dad is a psychiatrist and it seems i might take after him a little more than i'd like to admit!

"I feel like i should lie down for this." she said, still laughing a little. Then.. "It's a big transition, it's exciting and wonderful, but at the same time, so much responsibility... i know we are ready to start a family.. it's just a lot all at once. Sometimes i still feel a little like i'm 19 inside.. but i'll be turning 29 this year!..."

Perhaps a lot of people don't appreciate that part of life - that a lot of the 'good things' are really scary and stressful. We often think we have to get through it all on our own and it seems that because we (for whatever reason) fear genuinely asking for help or saying something like, "hey, i'm having a really hard time right now, could you give me a neck rub?" we have a glass of wine, or become dependent on something or someone in an attempt to appease our fears and anxiety. I am in no way immune to this; however, i feel it is beautiful to find ways of being genuinely and authentically connected to other people as a way of helping to shift this... er.. 'predicament of humanity.'

This is one of the wonderful things about my dear dolphin-girl and the women there to support her: we were all honoring her new steps as a woman. We were acknowledging that they are daunting, yet important and profound steps to take, and letting her know that she is not alone. Each woman shared words of support, wisdom, personal experience, poetry...

One of the interesting things we did was to have dolphin-girl lay down in the center of our circle while we would all say "breathe deeply and Know..." and one woman in the circle would say what she wanted dolphin-girl to Know...

Comments ranged from:

"Breathe deeply and Know... Love is some crazy shit!"

to

"Breathe deeply and Know... Yourself."

It was so juicy to have all these women together - so may shapes of shifting hips swinging above legs of all sizes, feet that meet the ground in different ways. And a feast of food created by all of us, a new dish brought in every few minutes by a new set of hands - children running, mischievous, intense and carefree. One of our friends has a 2yr old son who can count to ten in Spanish, Japanese, and Hebrew - talk about a precocious child! He is simply bright, not because his parents are overachievers or push him, but because he is curious, alive and receptive. Beautiful.

A number of us have been belly-dancers or done tantric dance, so we had quite a lot of fun together, getting high on each other and the music, dancing in the evening. Another young woman brought henna and we all got painted in various ways. She was doing a design on my ankle and it started taking its own shape, so she went with it. It wound up being a Phoenix.. a firebird flying up my ankle. I like the symbolism of the Phoenix rising up from the ashes. A very pertinent symbol for me in the phase of life i am in.

I made a beautiful new friend. I will call her zen-pirate. She has these vibrant pale blue eyes, dark hair, and olive skin... but who she is, how she moves in life is what i find to be so captivating. She has a mission and passion... and, well.. in a lot of ways we look at each other and just see a 'kindred spirit' - someone on a similar journey in life. One of the wonderful things about meeting her is that i had recently decided i wanted to get into kayaking more.. and she's got all sorts of connections... and kayaks to borrow! AND, she is a horse person and wants to accompany me to one of my many training sessions. We seem to have endless things in common. She is sort of 'tough and soft' like me. We were just happy to cross paths. i love you, zen-pirate, if you ever happen to read this. i love all you women (red-delicious!) and thank you for being part of my life.

My life has been full of 'chance meetings' and an eerie weaving of people and paths. It's fun and i am learning to embrace it. We can create a fascinating flow in our lives - each experience leading us, preparing us for the next.

Speaking of flowing things, this is my final little story for this post:

Several of us went to the Illinois river the next morning. A few of the women packed a small picnic and we wandered down to a large, clear, secluded, aqua pool. We all took off our clothes and spent several hours swimming, exploring, and lounging. It was blissful. My experience got even better though, when, as i was standing waist-deep in the water near the bank, i spotted two young men making their way upstream, picking a path around a small section of rapid waters - they were carrying masks and fins! "I want fins!" i said. I tried to call out to them "Hey, can i borrow a pair of your fins?!" but they couldn't hear me over the rapids. I waited a while.. thinking.. 'well, this is weird.. i'm naked.. but i really want those fins..' i called out again when they got a little closer; one of them heard me and happily swam over. I moved a little deeper into the water.. so as not to be.. um.. totally out there... with.. everything..

"do you have those adjustable fins...?"

"No... What size feet do you have?"

"8. This might not work.. huh?"

He struggled to pry one fin off as he was treading water. He handed it over. i put it on..

"It's a little loose.. but i think it'll work." He gave me the other one. I thanked him... but, well, you know... with my body language etc, made it clear that there was no.. shall we say.. 'invitation.' i was just borrowing his fins.. and happened to be naked - which was true. He was respectful and kind... and soon swam off. Not long after though, he returned out of breath from swimming without the fins and asked if i wanted the mask too. "Sure." Again, it was so funny.. i did think he was pretty cute, but i really didn't care; i just wanted to play in the water in peace. They headed up stream and i told him i'd leave his things on the bank if we were gone when they returned.

In a way, i felt a little bad for some reason.. for nabbing this guy's stuff. When they were out of earshot, i said to my friend K, "i guess a naked blonde can get most anything she wants huh?" "I'm sure he would have given them to you anyway..!" We were pretty sure i'd made his day, or week, or whatever... And it certainly made my day, as this fish got her fins, and sank, swimming in that luminous silent world below the surface.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

What a beautiful description of this weekend! I am so glad you were there to share with me. I am so blessed to have you in my life! You are an amazing woman and I am so grateful for all the beauty you bring into this world!
I love you
Dolphin Girl

Tara Rose Crist said...

The feeling is mutual my dear dolphin. blessings all around. love you too. - T